Finding “The One”
by Reggie Austin
For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to get married. I swallowed the narrative dangled in front of me by both the world and the church: marriage was everything. Whether it was time spent in church on a Sunday morning or watching a romantic comedy on a Friday night, I learned that finding “the one” is basically the reason for living—until you do, your life is incomplete. Eventually I discovered that was a lie. What I didn’t realize was how much that lie poisoned my thoughts.
To be clear, my marriage is wonderful. I love my wife dearly and, while our relationship is far from perfect, I enjoy it a great deal. But some time ago I had a fascinating realization. My wife and I had a disagreement over a random and trivial matter (I can’t even remember what it was!). We didn’t get in a fight about it, but we found ourselves coming down on different sides of the issue. I remember being bothered by the fact that we felt differently. If we were really one flesh, wouldn't we think and feel like it on everything? Wouldn't there be a deep and abiding intimacy that nothing could touch? There is an intimacy in my marriage, but at that moment it didn’t feel like it went deep enough. We were close, and continue to grow closer, but it felt like there were much deeper depths that could never be reached. This realization was disheartening at first. But then it was freeing.
I craved a deep intimacy and thought that my deepest need could only be met by “the one.” To find “the one” and then still have the need felt like a failure. Until I left the movie theater and church culture and went to God’s Word for answers. The Bible says that at His right hand are pleasures forevermore and fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11). That He offers full and abundant life (John 10:10). My wife couldn’t possibly provide these for me; it’s an impossible burden. Instead of finding “the one,” I should’ve been looking more to The One. The One does meet every need. The One does fill every longing. Intimacy with The One does go all the way down to the depths of my soul in a way no spouse ever could. It is in Him that I need to place all my hopes and desires and longings. And the greatest mystery and blessing of all is that God would have this happen, not instead of my marriage, but through it.
To be clear, my marriage is wonderful. I love my wife dearly and, while our relationship is far from perfect, I enjoy it a great deal. But some time ago I had a fascinating realization. My wife and I had a disagreement over a random and trivial matter (I can’t even remember what it was!). We didn’t get in a fight about it, but we found ourselves coming down on different sides of the issue. I remember being bothered by the fact that we felt differently. If we were really one flesh, wouldn't we think and feel like it on everything? Wouldn't there be a deep and abiding intimacy that nothing could touch? There is an intimacy in my marriage, but at that moment it didn’t feel like it went deep enough. We were close, and continue to grow closer, but it felt like there were much deeper depths that could never be reached. This realization was disheartening at first. But then it was freeing.
I craved a deep intimacy and thought that my deepest need could only be met by “the one.” To find “the one” and then still have the need felt like a failure. Until I left the movie theater and church culture and went to God’s Word for answers. The Bible says that at His right hand are pleasures forevermore and fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11). That He offers full and abundant life (John 10:10). My wife couldn’t possibly provide these for me; it’s an impossible burden. Instead of finding “the one,” I should’ve been looking more to The One. The One does meet every need. The One does fill every longing. Intimacy with The One does go all the way down to the depths of my soul in a way no spouse ever could. It is in Him that I need to place all my hopes and desires and longings. And the greatest mystery and blessing of all is that God would have this happen, not instead of my marriage, but through it.
