Bringing Up Your Children in Instruction
"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." -Ephesians 6:4
Over the past couple of posts, we’ve been looking at some basic observations that can be drawn from this exhortation of Paul’s. We’ve discussed how, as parents, we need to be more fun than we think we do, and how we need to be more strict than we think we do. As we conclude our series, I want to point out one last principle we find in this verse, and that is that we also need to be more intentional than we think we do.
In addition to not provoking our children to anger (or provoking them to joy), and bringing them up in the discipline of the Lord, we are also called to bring them up in the instruction of the Lord. The problem is, instruction doesn’t just happen. When you go to school, your instructor prepares ahead of time, planning what they’re going to teach you. When you have an internship, your mentor does likewise. And the same is true with your pastors when they take up the responsibility to equip, train, and instruct you.
Much of the time, though, this level of preparation, planning, and intentionality is missing from our instruction of our kids. Since they’re always around, we are tempted to become lazy and tell ourselves that we’ll simply take the opportunities as they come. Now, there’s nothing wrong with looking for informal, teachable moments to instruct our children. In fact, in Deuteronomy we find the exhortation to do just that:
Notice that this exhortation—which is a great model for us even as New Testament believers—does not choose between intentional structured teaching and intentional informal teaching. For the Israelites, and for us, it is to be both. The Israelites were instructed to teach their children in a thought out way and teach them when sitting in the house and when they’re out of the house and when they lie down for bed and when they get up in the morning.
This kind of teaching and training does not just happen. It requires preparation, thought, prayer, and intentionality to be this consistent in your training. So should you look for teachable moments and use them to instruct your kids? Yes! But, to do so, you need to be prepared ahead of time. How are you going to explain the relationship between boys and girls? How are you going to talk about people of other faiths? What will your answer be when your kid asks if a man can marry a man? How do you want to respond when your kid tells you they’re not sure God is real? You need to be more intentional than you think you do.
And should you schedule and prepare regular times of more formal instruction in your home? Yes! Being intentional with the training and equipping of your children does not mean simply waiting for topics to come up, but being proactive about teaching your children what they need to know about who God is, who they are, and how we understand the world around is from a biblical worldview. This doesn’t happen without preparation, scheduling, and discipline. Again, you need to be more intentional than you think you do.
As we wrap up this short series on parenting, I want to leave you with one final reminder. As we talked about in the very first post in this series, the truth is that you’re going to fall short in all of these areas, and both you and your children can only find ultimate hope in the expansive grace of Christ. Should you strive to be more fun with your kids? Should you strive to be more strict with your kids? Should strive to be more intentional with your kids? Yes! Yes! and Yes! But do so not because these activities are the hope for your children’s future. Be more fun in response to all of the ways Christ provokes you to joy. Be more strict in response to all of the ways Christ lovingly disciplines you. Be more intentional in response to all of the ways Christ consistently and patiently teaches and instructs you. And, when it comes to your children’s future, trust in the love and grace of Christ, entrusting them into his hands, and praying continually that he will graciously use your imperfect efforts to be fun, strict, and intentional to draw them to himself.
Over the past couple of posts, we’ve been looking at some basic observations that can be drawn from this exhortation of Paul’s. We’ve discussed how, as parents, we need to be more fun than we think we do, and how we need to be more strict than we think we do. As we conclude our series, I want to point out one last principle we find in this verse, and that is that we also need to be more intentional than we think we do.
In addition to not provoking our children to anger (or provoking them to joy), and bringing them up in the discipline of the Lord, we are also called to bring them up in the instruction of the Lord. The problem is, instruction doesn’t just happen. When you go to school, your instructor prepares ahead of time, planning what they’re going to teach you. When you have an internship, your mentor does likewise. And the same is true with your pastors when they take up the responsibility to equip, train, and instruct you.
Much of the time, though, this level of preparation, planning, and intentionality is missing from our instruction of our kids. Since they’re always around, we are tempted to become lazy and tell ourselves that we’ll simply take the opportunities as they come. Now, there’s nothing wrong with looking for informal, teachable moments to instruct our children. In fact, in Deuteronomy we find the exhortation to do just that:
“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” —Deuteronomy 6:4-9 ESV
Notice that this exhortation—which is a great model for us even as New Testament believers—does not choose between intentional structured teaching and intentional informal teaching. For the Israelites, and for us, it is to be both. The Israelites were instructed to teach their children in a thought out way and teach them when sitting in the house and when they’re out of the house and when they lie down for bed and when they get up in the morning.
This kind of teaching and training does not just happen. It requires preparation, thought, prayer, and intentionality to be this consistent in your training. So should you look for teachable moments and use them to instruct your kids? Yes! But, to do so, you need to be prepared ahead of time. How are you going to explain the relationship between boys and girls? How are you going to talk about people of other faiths? What will your answer be when your kid asks if a man can marry a man? How do you want to respond when your kid tells you they’re not sure God is real? You need to be more intentional than you think you do.
And should you schedule and prepare regular times of more formal instruction in your home? Yes! Being intentional with the training and equipping of your children does not mean simply waiting for topics to come up, but being proactive about teaching your children what they need to know about who God is, who they are, and how we understand the world around is from a biblical worldview. This doesn’t happen without preparation, scheduling, and discipline. Again, you need to be more intentional than you think you do.
As we wrap up this short series on parenting, I want to leave you with one final reminder. As we talked about in the very first post in this series, the truth is that you’re going to fall short in all of these areas, and both you and your children can only find ultimate hope in the expansive grace of Christ. Should you strive to be more fun with your kids? Should you strive to be more strict with your kids? Should strive to be more intentional with your kids? Yes! Yes! and Yes! But do so not because these activities are the hope for your children’s future. Be more fun in response to all of the ways Christ provokes you to joy. Be more strict in response to all of the ways Christ lovingly disciplines you. Be more intentional in response to all of the ways Christ consistently and patiently teaches and instructs you. And, when it comes to your children’s future, trust in the love and grace of Christ, entrusting them into his hands, and praying continually that he will graciously use your imperfect efforts to be fun, strict, and intentional to draw them to himself.
