Parenting After the Fall
"If your kids are going to see something modeled in you, let it be your desperate dependence on the grace of Christ every single day…"
Parenting in LA is a unique opportunity. In this city, there are many things to celebrate—but there are so many things to fear! Parents in LA can feel absolutely schizophrenic. But whether you are in LA, the suburbs, or a farm in rural America, the nature of parenting is the same: you are a fallen person, raising little, selfish, fallen kids in a corrupt and fallen world. Some people make the case that cities are a harsher place to raise children, but I don't think that is true. While the city has unique challenges, so do suburbs. But for many of us, some extra space, chain restaurants, and Republican neighbors can make us feel like our kids are in a safer environment. When I think of the influences that have the most significant sinful impact on my kids, I quickly realize that they would be just as real in Northern Alaska as they are in Los Angeles.
Hands down, the most sinful influence on our kids is their own hearts. While each one of my kids is made in the image of God, the Bible is clear that they are children of Adam (just like me). They were born selfish, self-worshipping, idolatrous, and God-denying. No change of scenery or change of zip code can help them escape that fact. In light of this, I often have to ask myself, “What is appropriate for me to expect of my children?” When my kids are disobedient, they need to be disciplined (out of love and training). They need to be taught that they are sinning, and that their sin is ultimately against God. But we also need to expect them to bear the fruit of their hearts. Too many parents are embarrassed by poorly behaving kids, or shocked that “their kid” would “do something like that.” We shouldn’t be shocked…they got it from us!
This brings us to the second most sinful influence on our kids: their horribly imperfect parents. Just the other week Lara and I lamented the ways that our failures in parenting (many of them unknown to us) are going to impact our kids. Our kids are going to be impacted by the sin in the world around them, of course. But, as you probably have heard over and over again, parents are the people with the greatest impact on their kids. Not friends, not teachers, not pastors…parents. For better…and for worse.
So what should we do? Should we read more parenting books? Should we go to more parenting seminars? Should we study our Bible more and do longer family devotions? Yes, yes, and yes. These are all great things that God can use. However, none of them can be our hope. God has not promised that you will be a perfect parent. In fact, God hasn’t even promised that you will be a great parent. But, what he has promised is that you are a forgiven parent…and that there is nothing you can do, as a parent or otherwise, that is beyond the reach of his grace. God calls you, as a parent, to depend desperately on his grace, and it is through this dependence that He will both overcome your sin and begin to address it—as you are transformed by his gracious, everlasting love.
What about our kids’ hearts? Well, God doesn’t offer us any promises about the lives of our kids. But if there is one thing that you are going to demonstrate to your kids (and you know they are most definitely watching), don’t let it be that performance produces results. If your kids are going to see something modeled in you, let it be your desperate dependence on the grace of Christ every single day…because that’s the only hope they have for their hearts too.
Parenting in LA is a unique opportunity. In this city, there are many things to celebrate—but there are so many things to fear! Parents in LA can feel absolutely schizophrenic. But whether you are in LA, the suburbs, or a farm in rural America, the nature of parenting is the same: you are a fallen person, raising little, selfish, fallen kids in a corrupt and fallen world. Some people make the case that cities are a harsher place to raise children, but I don't think that is true. While the city has unique challenges, so do suburbs. But for many of us, some extra space, chain restaurants, and Republican neighbors can make us feel like our kids are in a safer environment. When I think of the influences that have the most significant sinful impact on my kids, I quickly realize that they would be just as real in Northern Alaska as they are in Los Angeles.
Hands down, the most sinful influence on our kids is their own hearts. While each one of my kids is made in the image of God, the Bible is clear that they are children of Adam (just like me). They were born selfish, self-worshipping, idolatrous, and God-denying. No change of scenery or change of zip code can help them escape that fact. In light of this, I often have to ask myself, “What is appropriate for me to expect of my children?” When my kids are disobedient, they need to be disciplined (out of love and training). They need to be taught that they are sinning, and that their sin is ultimately against God. But we also need to expect them to bear the fruit of their hearts. Too many parents are embarrassed by poorly behaving kids, or shocked that “their kid” would “do something like that.” We shouldn’t be shocked…they got it from us!
This brings us to the second most sinful influence on our kids: their horribly imperfect parents. Just the other week Lara and I lamented the ways that our failures in parenting (many of them unknown to us) are going to impact our kids. Our kids are going to be impacted by the sin in the world around them, of course. But, as you probably have heard over and over again, parents are the people with the greatest impact on their kids. Not friends, not teachers, not pastors…parents. For better…and for worse.
So what should we do? Should we read more parenting books? Should we go to more parenting seminars? Should we study our Bible more and do longer family devotions? Yes, yes, and yes. These are all great things that God can use. However, none of them can be our hope. God has not promised that you will be a perfect parent. In fact, God hasn’t even promised that you will be a great parent. But, what he has promised is that you are a forgiven parent…and that there is nothing you can do, as a parent or otherwise, that is beyond the reach of his grace. God calls you, as a parent, to depend desperately on his grace, and it is through this dependence that He will both overcome your sin and begin to address it—as you are transformed by his gracious, everlasting love.
What about our kids’ hearts? Well, God doesn’t offer us any promises about the lives of our kids. But if there is one thing that you are going to demonstrate to your kids (and you know they are most definitely watching), don’t let it be that performance produces results. If your kids are going to see something modeled in you, let it be your desperate dependence on the grace of Christ every single day…because that’s the only hope they have for their hearts too.
